1. The Slanted Chair…

One’s bottom would have to be shaped at a pretty sharp perpendicular angle for them to get all comfy with this chair.

It’s either that or they‘d have to strap themselves securely onto it to stop from sliding sheepishly to the floor.

Anyway, we’re not looking for solutions round the seating problem – no siree, we’re looking for severe meeting off-putters.

So, hmmm…I wonder if the slanted chair comes with a matching table.

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2. The Rickety Chair…

With the one leg shorter than the other three, a rickety chair can sometimes feel like a mini see-saw.

We all know a quick solution is a wad of folded-up paper lovingly tucked underneath the leg, right?

Obviously, the ricketiest of chairs would be very helpful in seeing a meeting through to its extremely abrupt end. They’d be hyper mini see-saws. There’d be absolutely no paper in sight so two people would have to sit on either side of them to stop the see-saw effect. Both people would also have to get up at exactly the same time or else one of them would run the risk of being catapulted towards the ceiling.

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3. The Squeaky Chair…

The sound of a squeaky chair is as irritating as constantly-clicking pens, animated gum chewing and people on buses talking loudly into their mobile phones.

Squeaky chairs squeak on purpose. It’s their way of nagging. Of irritating everyone apart from the actual person sitting on it. It’s crucial that said person in said squeaky chair remains oblivious to how irritating it sounds. That’s how squeaky chairs multiply.

A squeaky chair would therefore be perfect in a meeting.

All that’s needed is the one chair for the desired effect.

(img credit: flickr.com/photos/tuey)

4. The Mega-Low Chair…

…as low as a child’s potty.

It wouldn’t be effective if everyone in the meeting sat on a low chair as they’d all be able to see each other underneath the table. There’s a chance they might still go ahead with the meeting thinking it’s the company’s way of injecting creativity and play into the team.

No – best to mix up the chair heights. So, normal height, normal height, mega-low height. Normal height, normal height, mega-low height. In that order. Should put a spanner in the works that way.

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5. The Hula Chair…

This is called the Hula Chair because it moves in a circular motion when you sit on it.

Hula. Get it?

It’s apparently meant to be good exercise for the body – “improve your balance and coordination”, it claims.

Yeah, right.

But, can you imagine how ridiculous this would look at a serious staff meeting with everyone sitting on one of those babies while trying to sip on a cup of coffee?

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6. The Stick Chair…

One person’s completely impractical design is another person’s potential meeting deterrent!

Who knows if the stick chair can bear the weight of a house fly let alone a human – which is precisely why the boardroom table should be surrounded with them.

The possibility of it giving way might make them ‘perch’ rather uncomfortably on it rather than ‘sit’ on it.

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7. The ‘Sharpened-Pencils’ Chair…

Hmm…do you get the feeling this one doesn’t want to be sat on? Perhaps it was a hedgehog in a past life.

Chances are no-one will want to sit on this chair unless they’re adept at walking over a bed of nails or possess buns of steel or don’t mind getting lead poisoning…

…or are just completely nuts.

Off to the meeting room it goes, then!

Meeting room, meet chair. Chair, meet meeting room.

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8. A Wet Chair…

One: it’s wet.

Two: Where did the ‘wet’ come from?

Three: Imagine the squishy sound when someone sits on it.

Four: Eeeeeeewww.

Five: Even if it was just 100% pure unadulterated water, not many people would want to sit on it (unless they’re part-human, part-fish).

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1) Err, there’s something wrong with my mouse, y’all…

Stick a post-it note under your work colleague’s mouse and watch them try to figure out what the hell is wrong with it.

That’s the stunt Jerry Ostergaard pulled on his colleague.

And check it: the guy he pulled the prank on was an IT TECHNICIAN.

Took him 10 minutes to figure out what was up.

I repeat: THE GUY WAS AN IT TECHNICIAN.

Hmm…

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2) Can I have a Jellied mouse to go, please?

Still on the subject of mice, THIS is cool. Someone’s mouse was set in jelly. Yum! Did they get to pick their favourite flavour? Was the mouse reusable afterwards? Did they have to eat their way through the jelly to be reunited with their mouse? (or did the cleaner run a feather duster over it the night before, making it inedible?)

This isn’t just any jelly.

No.

This is feather-dusted, Mr Sheen Shine jelly – flavoured with a hint of dustbin liner.

Yum.

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3) Is your boss a bit of an a**hole?

This is not my idea – just passing it on from my imaginary friend’s imaginary friend who happened to be there when this happened.

Someone set up the boss’s chair in such a way that when they sat on it during the staff meeting (of which I hope there were a million members of staff), it suddenly dropped.

…must have been well and truly self-gratifying for all parties concerned (apart from one, of course).

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4) Fancy a Water diet?

If you have way too much time on your hands and your brain cells just won’t go away, try this one:

20 Styrofoam cups? Check.
Stapler? Check.
Office empty? Check.

Apart from an accomplice or two? Check.

Good. Now, staple all 20 cups together – put them on a colleague’s desk.

Done? Good! Now, fill them all with water.

When your colleague turns up, watch them figure out how to shift them.

Oh, joy!

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5) Feeling peckish? Have some popcorn…

If you can count how much popcorn is there ….to the nearest billion, the boss will give you that promotion you’ve been aching for.

Ain’t nothing to it. You’re an accountant, aren’t you?

Should be a walk in the park. Albeit a crunchy one.

Oh gee, the phone on your desk’s ringing.

It could be a really important call, you know.

I suggest you get it.

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6) The pranksters got played…

Brian Eckert was away that afternoon when his colleagues decided to play a prank on him by turning everything in his office upside down.

Not knowing that Brian would arrive at work the next morning earlier than usual, he proceeded to arrange everything back to normal.

Brian left the office and came back at the time his colleagues would expect him to arrive. Walking in, he unlocked his office and went in. His colleagues obviously expected some kind of reaction, which they didn’t get! They got the shock of their lives when they looked in his office and found everything in perfect order.

They never told Brian what they did.

And Brian never told them he knew!

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7) Help! Microsoft Word isn’t, erm, ‘Wording’…

Everyone uses MS Word, right? Then why not show a colleague just how much you really care by secretly setting their AutoCorrect function to swap a couple of words round whenever they type a certain word in? Use the odd rude word if you’re feeling pixyish enough!

They should thank you, really. I mean, you’re doing them a favour. Expanding their vocabulary!

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8 ) Silver Heaven…

In 2006, Ryan O’Donnell decided to pull one on a fellow colleague while they were away for Xmas by wrapping their whole cubicle from top to bottom in 500ft of foil.

Now that’s what I call dedication.

He set up a webcam to record their reaction when they got back. (great court evidence for GBH when his colleague gets back, then)

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9) A Nice Prank on the Boss….This Time…

Emily Brand, along with all her co-workers, planned to call into work giving one reason or the other for not turning up at the office that day. The office would therefore effectively be empty apart from the boss and a new person who was starting that day.

However, the co-workers were only absent for as long as it took to grab a quick breakfast for the boss. Then they all turned up saying ‘Happy April Fool’s Day’.

Where’s the fun in that? It was going so well …to a point. I would have given it a good couple of hours, at least! Now, THAT would have been a prank.

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10) Voice-Activated Photocopier…

A couple of colleagues were told that the office photocopier was voice activated. They had to tell it what they wanted it to do – for example, “Six Copies, Collated and Stapled.”

One colleague’s voice got ever louder as the copier just didn’t seem to be responding to what it was being told to do.

He eventually cottoned on to what was going on, but not before making a complete and utter twat of himself.

Dig hole. Jump in.

There’s a good boy.

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