How to Guarantee a Failed Office Meeting with the most Uncomfortable Chairs Ever
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009If you dread office meetings, then the following meeting-unfriendly chairs should do the trick:
1. The Slanted Chair…
One’s bottom would have to be shaped at a pretty sharp perpendicular angle for them to get all comfy with this chair.
It’s either that or they‘d have to strap themselves securely onto it to stop from sliding sheepishly to the floor.
Anyway, we’re not looking for solutions round the seating problem – no siree, we’re looking for severe meeting off-putters.
So, hmmm…I wonder if the slanted chair comes with a matching table.
2. The Rickety Chair…
With the one leg shorter than the other three, a rickety chair can sometimes feel like a mini see-saw.
We all know a quick solution is a wad of folded-up paper lovingly tucked underneath the leg, right?
Obviously, the ricketiest of chairs would be very helpful in seeing a meeting through to its extremely abrupt end. They’d be hyper mini see-saws. There’d be absolutely no paper in sight so two people would have to sit on either side of them to stop the see-saw effect. Both people would also have to get up at exactly the same time or else one of them would run the risk of being catapulted towards the ceiling.
3. The Squeaky Chair…
The sound of a squeaky chair is as irritating as constantly-clicking pens, animated gum chewing and people on buses talking loudly into their mobile phones.
Squeaky chairs squeak on purpose. It’s their way of nagging. Of irritating everyone apart from the actual person sitting on it. It’s crucial that said person in said squeaky chair remains oblivious to how irritating it sounds. That’s how squeaky chairs multiply.
A squeaky chair would therefore be perfect in a meeting.
All that’s needed is the one chair for the desired effect.
(img credit: flickr.com/photos/tuey)
4. The Mega-Low Chair…
…as low as a child’s potty.
It wouldn’t be effective if everyone in the meeting sat on a low chair as they’d all be able to see each other underneath the table. There’s a chance they might still go ahead with the meeting thinking it’s the company’s way of injecting creativity and play into the team.
No – best to mix up the chair heights. So, normal height, normal height, mega-low height. Normal height, normal height, mega-low height. In that order. Should put a spanner in the works that way.
5. The Hula Chair…
This is called the Hula Chair because it moves in a circular motion when you sit on it.
Hula. Get it?
It’s apparently meant to be good exercise for the body – “improve your balance and coordination”, it claims.
Yeah, right.
But, can you imagine how ridiculous this would look at a serious staff meeting with everyone sitting on one of those babies while trying to sip on a cup of coffee?
6. The Stick Chair…
One person’s completely impractical design is another person’s potential meeting deterrent!
Who knows if the stick chair can bear the weight of a house fly let alone a human – which is precisely why the boardroom table should be surrounded with them.
The possibility of it giving way might make them ‘perch’ rather uncomfortably on it rather than ‘sit’ on it.
7. The ‘Sharpened-Pencils’ Chair…
Hmm…do you get the feeling this one doesn’t want to be sat on? Perhaps it was a hedgehog in a past life.
Chances are no-one will want to sit on this chair unless they’re adept at walking over a bed of nails or possess buns of steel or don’t mind getting lead poisoning…
…or are just completely nuts.
Off to the meeting room it goes, then!
Meeting room, meet chair. Chair, meet meeting room.
8. A Wet Chair…
One: it’s wet.
Two: Where did the ‘wet’ come from?
Three: Imagine the squishy sound when someone sits on it.
Four: Eeeeeeewww.
Five: Even if it was just 100% pure unadulterated water, not many people would want to sit on it (unless they’re part-human, part-fish).
