1- Erm, That’s What Headsets are for…

Putting the telephone on speaker phone is an almighty pet peeve especially when the bloody headset’s hanging round their bloody neck.

What’s worse is when the phone’s on speaker phone:

a) and whoever they’re calling isn’t picking up, but like a stubborn pit-bull terrier on a soya-milk diet, they just won’t hang up – so it just keeps on ringing and ringing and ringing AND RINGING,

b) or when the call’s been placed in a queue and there’s background music to keep them company (and to send you over the edge) while they wait.

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2- Nail Clipping…

It’s bad enough hearing people clip their nails on the journey to work without having to endure a longer duration of it in the office. All one can do is cringe and hope that the force of each clip won’t catapult one of their nail clippings over the cubicle divide and land on your keyboard (or worse yet, in your cup of tea. Imagine getting one of those stuck in your throat).

The ultimate office nightmare would be if the colleague to the left is a nail clipper and the one to the right is a coffee slurper. And you’re in the middle.

Oh boy.

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3- Dramatic Sneezes, Colds and Coughs…

Another pet peeve is when the guy / gal in the next cubicle sneezes really really loud. Try as you might, you can’t get used to it, you jump each and every time they aaah-aaaah-ACHOO, and you’re starting to lose the hearing in one ear. Such high-decibel sneezers deserve to work alone in a sound-proof room.

And then there are the ones – the special ones – who, rather than blowing their noses, prefer to make sniffling an art form.

Same goes for coughing.

Oh and it seems to get more persistent whenever you’re on the phone.

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4- The ‘Gift-Shop’ Cubicle…

When there’s a certain cubicle with enough little teddy bears, cards, framed photos and flowers to last a decade of birthdays, then you do have to wonder if the person’s in the right profession to begin with. Maybe they’ll feel right at home in a novelty gift shop. They might make it to manager even.

Point is, until they’re hit with a sudden epiphany and decide to open up their very own gift shop, everyone’s unfortunately lumbered with the mini one on their desk.

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5- Erm, Could You Turn it Down, Mate…

If speaker-phone conversations and overheard partner dramas are downright irritating, then listening to him/her listen to whatever music or news they have on comes pretty close. (‘specially if the music’s quite sh*te)

Wear a headset. That’s what they’re there for.

He/she might genuinely think that the music they’re playing is sooo cool, that you’ll enjoy it too – that that news headline just needs to get out to anyone within ear’s reach.

Aww, bless ‘em.

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6- Ok, so They’re Good Mates…

A friend pops over to the next cubicle to say hello to whoever. Fine.

Where it gets annoying, though, is when it becomes a reeeeaaaallly loooong hello and visitor & ‘visitee’ proceed to converse incessantly beside you and all you really want to do is swat them.

Word of warning: if you’re bold enough (or irritated enough) to suggest they continue their chin-wagging elsewhere, there’s a chance you’ll be wearing the ‘miserable so-and-so’ tag for a while. Certainly not your fault – but sometimes office politics is as office politics does, unfortunately.

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7- Munchies in the Cubicle…

The sound of a packet of biscuits or crisps being opened in the next cubicle is annoying to say the least – not forgetting noisy chewing and noisy swallowing too. It’s a bit like knowing what’s going on in the toilet next to you, but not wanting to hear every single trickle, fart and plop.

If the crisps are anything other than plain-salty flavour, especially if it’s cheese and onion crisps, then there’s the smell to contend with too. And God help you if they painted the town red the night before and you can smell EXACTLY what wine bottle they shook hands with. If they smoke as well, then there’s nothing else to do but pray when the whiffs of ‘cigarette-alcohol-cheese&onion’ breath hit you. Alternatively, you could hand in your resignation right there and then to save you from the impending nasal doom.

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