1) Google (Googleplex): California…

You can’t mention cool places to work at and not mention Google. The big G has been in the top best companies to work for for a good number of years — and, after seeing the pictures below of their main quarters in Mountain View, California, who can argue with that? (try – but you won’t win).

It’s really a case of ‘home is where the office is’. Far from an office in the traditional sense, Google’s main quarters is more like a totally uber-cool college campus where you just happen to get paid really well too.

There’s gourmet food (in no less than 11 cafeterias), a doctor on site, laundry facilities, sleeping pods, pool tables, lapping pools.

Google Cali doesn’t scrimp on the parental perks either – includes: adoption assistance of up to $5000 — and $500 towards take-away meals for parents of a new born – over the first couple of months they’re at home with their little one. Can someone say fairy godmother?

Aaaah, this is the life.

I so want one of those …whatever it is.

They let you bring your dog too?

And England win the World Cup!

Google, you neeeed me.

Space. The final frontier.

(img credit: google.com)

2) Google, Zurich…

Nothing can match Google’s main quarters, but its branch in Zurich is pretty damn impressive. Five floors. Five different themes of cool. Meetings are held in vibrantly-coloured pods (real igloos formerly used in Antarctic expeditions), staff can take some serious timeout in serene water lounges…

…and the piers de resistance is a fireman’s pole that gets staff from one floor to the next. What could be cooler than that? (hmm…a magic carpet???)

If Google won’t go to the Alps, the Alps will come to Google. Simple as that.

A fireman’s pole? Right. Where do I sign?

Conferences in igloos? Should come as no surprise, really. We are talking Google, after all.

Find your inner Mister Miyagi in the water lounge. No snoring, though.

Gives ‘work-life balance’ a whole new meaning.

3) White Mountain Office, Stockholm…

I’m not taking away from the super duper coolness of this ‘office’, because it’s certainly awe-inspiring. Yes indeedy. But doesn’t it remind you of a chemical plant in a James Bond film?

Not too far off though – at 100 feet below the streets of Stockholm, it used to be a nuclear shelter. In 2008, it was transformed into the amazing office you now see; home to Bahnhof AB: an internet service provider.

“Veeve been expecting you, Mr Bond”.

(img credit: theroxor.com)

4) Selgas Cano Architectural Firm, Spain…

This is way too cool. Google, you’re losing me.

How could anyone get complacent about coming to a place like THAT for work? Must be an incredible experience.

The glass windows down the length of the side of the office have the desired effect – you literally feel as if you’re part of nature.

David Attenborough would be proud. So, so proud. You could try doing a Dr Doolittle impression with the wildlife, teach the bears how to use a laptop and encourage the bees to squeeze their honey directly into your tea.

Doesn’t it get a tad creepy at night with all that window — with bright beady eyes staring at you from the outside?

Part of the building is apparently underground. Maybe that’s where the toilet is…because I don’t see it. Unless you’re expected to answer the call of nature amongst the bushes — literally.

(img credit: iwan.com)

5) CheBanca!, Milan…

You wouldn’t guess it by looking at it, but believe it or not, this …is a bank. No, really. It is.

The word ‘CheBanca!’ means ‘What a bank!’ and what a bank it is. The exclamation mark isn’t a typo, by the way. Plush, unique, unusual, spatial, magnetic, futuristic, you probably get as many tourists passing through as you do account holders.

The fact that it’s in Milan serves to add that extra layer of cool.

6) TBWA\Hakuhodo, Japan…

Whereas Selgas Cano went out to nature, TBWA Hakuhodo brought theirs right in. The trees, grass and bamboo flooring look lush and authentic. Their own little Garden of Eden. Simple, but quite powerful design. It’s got that whole calming thing going on.

That’s my spot right there.

p.s. they have a VERY cool website. Make sure you have your speakers on.

(img credit: theroxor.com)

7) Chamber of Commerce and Industry, Slovenia…

The huge structure snaking through the space is pretty damn awe-inspiring, almost as if it’s challenging you to question its sheer magnitude and ability to co-exist with other visual embellishments in the space.

This is just the photo. Imagine being there in person.

The plants accentuate the space and look as if they tame the structure’s boisterousness.

And the windows look great too – part of the space without dominating it.

(img credit: theroxor.com)

8) RedBull, London…

Redbull’s office is so smooth, it’s ‘smoove’. Very slick, sharp, minimal design.

…and then it’s cheekily disrupted by the audacity of a slide that takes you from one floor to the other. That’s just…just…irresistibly playful. Looks like a whole ton of fun. I’d love to try walking back up it just for the hell of it!

Good morning, super cool RedBull reception. Sam speaking. How may I help you?

Game of tennis, anyone? I must warn you: I WILL win.

1- Erm, That’s What Headsets are for…

Putting the telephone on speaker phone is an almighty pet peeve especially when the bloody headset’s hanging round their bloody neck.

What’s worse is when the phone’s on speaker phone:

a) and whoever they’re calling isn’t picking up, but like a stubborn pit-bull terrier on a soya-milk diet, they just won’t hang up – so it just keeps on ringing and ringing and ringing AND RINGING,

b) or when the call’s been placed in a queue and there’s background music to keep them company (and to send you over the edge) while they wait.

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2- Nail Clipping…

It’s bad enough hearing people clip their nails on the journey to work without having to endure a longer duration of it in the office. All one can do is cringe and hope that the force of each clip won’t catapult one of their nail clippings over the cubicle divide and land on your keyboard (or worse yet, in your cup of tea. Imagine getting one of those stuck in your throat).

The ultimate office nightmare would be if the colleague to the left is a nail clipper and the one to the right is a coffee slurper. And you’re in the middle.

Oh boy.

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3- Dramatic Sneezes, Colds and Coughs…

Another pet peeve is when the guy / gal in the next cubicle sneezes really really loud. Try as you might, you can’t get used to it, you jump each and every time they aaah-aaaah-ACHOO, and you’re starting to lose the hearing in one ear. Such high-decibel sneezers deserve to work alone in a sound-proof room.

And then there are the ones – the special ones – who, rather than blowing their noses, prefer to make sniffling an art form.

Same goes for coughing.

Oh and it seems to get more persistent whenever you’re on the phone.

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4- The ‘Gift-Shop’ Cubicle…

When there’s a certain cubicle with enough little teddy bears, cards, framed photos and flowers to last a decade of birthdays, then you do have to wonder if the person’s in the right profession to begin with. Maybe they’ll feel right at home in a novelty gift shop. They might make it to manager even.

Point is, until they’re hit with a sudden epiphany and decide to open up their very own gift shop, everyone’s unfortunately lumbered with the mini one on their desk.

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5- Erm, Could You Turn it Down, Mate…

If speaker-phone conversations and overheard partner dramas are downright irritating, then listening to him/her listen to whatever music or news they have on comes pretty close. (‘specially if the music’s quite sh*te)

Wear a headset. That’s what they’re there for.

He/she might genuinely think that the music they’re playing is sooo cool, that you’ll enjoy it too – that that news headline just needs to get out to anyone within ear’s reach.

Aww, bless ‘em.

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6- Ok, so They’re Good Mates…

A friend pops over to the next cubicle to say hello to whoever. Fine.

Where it gets annoying, though, is when it becomes a reeeeaaaallly loooong hello and visitor & ‘visitee’ proceed to converse incessantly beside you and all you really want to do is swat them.

Word of warning: if you’re bold enough (or irritated enough) to suggest they continue their chin-wagging elsewhere, there’s a chance you’ll be wearing the ‘miserable so-and-so’ tag for a while. Certainly not your fault – but sometimes office politics is as office politics does, unfortunately.

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7- Munchies in the Cubicle…

The sound of a packet of biscuits or crisps being opened in the next cubicle is annoying to say the least – not forgetting noisy chewing and noisy swallowing too. It’s a bit like knowing what’s going on in the toilet next to you, but not wanting to hear every single trickle, fart and plop.

If the crisps are anything other than plain-salty flavour, especially if it’s cheese and onion crisps, then there’s the smell to contend with too. And God help you if they painted the town red the night before and you can smell EXACTLY what wine bottle they shook hands with. If they smoke as well, then there’s nothing else to do but pray when the whiffs of ‘cigarette-alcohol-cheese&onion’ breath hit you. Alternatively, you could hand in your resignation right there and then to save you from the impending nasal doom.

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1. The Slanted Chair…

One’s bottom would have to be shaped at a pretty sharp perpendicular angle for them to get all comfy with this chair.

It’s either that or they‘d have to strap themselves securely onto it to stop from sliding sheepishly to the floor.

Anyway, we’re not looking for solutions round the seating problem – no siree, we’re looking for severe meeting off-putters.

So, hmmm…I wonder if the slanted chair comes with a matching table.

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2. The Rickety Chair…

With the one leg shorter than the other three, a rickety chair can sometimes feel like a mini see-saw.

We all know a quick solution is a wad of folded-up paper lovingly tucked underneath the leg, right?

Obviously, the ricketiest of chairs would be very helpful in seeing a meeting through to its extremely abrupt end. They’d be hyper mini see-saws. There’d be absolutely no paper in sight so two people would have to sit on either side of them to stop the see-saw effect. Both people would also have to get up at exactly the same time or else one of them would run the risk of being catapulted towards the ceiling.

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3. The Squeaky Chair…

The sound of a squeaky chair is as irritating as constantly-clicking pens, animated gum chewing and people on buses talking loudly into their mobile phones.

Squeaky chairs squeak on purpose. It’s their way of nagging. Of irritating everyone apart from the actual person sitting on it. It’s crucial that said person in said squeaky chair remains oblivious to how irritating it sounds. That’s how squeaky chairs multiply.

A squeaky chair would therefore be perfect in a meeting.

All that’s needed is the one chair for the desired effect.

(img credit: flickr.com/photos/tuey)

4. The Mega-Low Chair…

…as low as a child’s potty.

It wouldn’t be effective if everyone in the meeting sat on a low chair as they’d all be able to see each other underneath the table. There’s a chance they might still go ahead with the meeting thinking it’s the company’s way of injecting creativity and play into the team.

No – best to mix up the chair heights. So, normal height, normal height, mega-low height. Normal height, normal height, mega-low height. In that order. Should put a spanner in the works that way.

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5. The Hula Chair…

This is called the Hula Chair because it moves in a circular motion when you sit on it.

Hula. Get it?

It’s apparently meant to be good exercise for the body – “improve your balance and coordination”, it claims.

Yeah, right.

But, can you imagine how ridiculous this would look at a serious staff meeting with everyone sitting on one of those babies while trying to sip on a cup of coffee?

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6. The Stick Chair…

One person’s completely impractical design is another person’s potential meeting deterrent!

Who knows if the stick chair can bear the weight of a house fly let alone a human – which is precisely why the boardroom table should be surrounded with them.

The possibility of it giving way might make them ‘perch’ rather uncomfortably on it rather than ‘sit’ on it.

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7. The ‘Sharpened-Pencils’ Chair…

Hmm…do you get the feeling this one doesn’t want to be sat on? Perhaps it was a hedgehog in a past life.

Chances are no-one will want to sit on this chair unless they’re adept at walking over a bed of nails or possess buns of steel or don’t mind getting lead poisoning…

…or are just completely nuts.

Off to the meeting room it goes, then!

Meeting room, meet chair. Chair, meet meeting room.

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8. A Wet Chair…

One: it’s wet.

Two: Where did the ‘wet’ come from?

Three: Imagine the squishy sound when someone sits on it.

Four: Eeeeeeewww.

Five: Even if it was just 100% pure unadulterated water, not many people would want to sit on it (unless they’re part-human, part-fish).

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At first sight, some of these items appear to have a good use, such as the UV Disinfectant wand. Before you log on to begin your quest for what seems harmless and well, darn right practical, take a look around the rest of the cubicle. If you see any sign of a Darth Vader wall clock, an X-wing fighter mouse, or God forbid, a PC in the shape of the Millennium Falcon, you might settle on a nice box of clorox wipes to keep the germs at bay.

When you are heading to the copy machine, because you really cannot figure out how to route that file through he maze of servers to the right printer/collator, and are taken in by the sound of your favorite music video, do not panic. By now you are able to take a short peak at the fantastic wrist watch your co worker is wearing. If you are lucky, and can keep from running off to buy your own, surely the next video you see will have either Captain Kirk or Bart Simpson prominently featured. If you can take your eyes away from Bart for a minute, you will catch a glimpse of a Dungeons and Dragons screen saver. As you peer around, there will certainly be an extremely complex cell phone tucked into a bean bag phone holder. No doubt there is a bluetooth connection to a prominent earpiece that looks like it tune in the space shuttle on a clear night. Be sure not to mention that or you may lose an hour hearing just how cool that would be, even though NASA TV has a prime spot on the PC desktop.

Since your project is now too late to be presented at the noon meeting, only one thing to do and that is jump on a video call to the higher ups and try to explain. You slump into the first open chair and are ready to explain your heart out when you are completely taken aback by the animal lovers web cam.
This is the point at which you realize that all hope is lost. You now know that you are about to go over to the dark side.

Imagine the look on their faces as you sit at your desk wearing a smile and calmly placing your wasted report into your brand new R2D2 trash receptacle. They smile broadly as you aim your wireless rocket launcher towards the unsuspecting mail boy and have a direct hit on the pocket protector. Life is good!

•No one understands why mouse cords made so long but that they cause extreme irritation. Everything gets tangled. Work is interrupted by detangling over and over again. Instead of ripping the mouse cord right out of socket get the cute Mr P to eliminate this problem. Simply wrap that cord around Mr. P and the problem is solved.

•A Mini Flip Flap will calm nerves giving a relaxing atmosphere. The Mini FF is a small plant which sits on your desk and is affected by the sun’s energy. When touched by the sun the plant’s peddles move.

•How about bringing your pets to work. The Aquarium USB is a small fish tank that function as a USB. When using the USB, every click, nourishes and takes cae of the fish. Be bored no more while sitting in front of the computer. Show kindness and love to your babies at work.

•Car Radio Control USB is another amusing way to stop a boring work day. The car charges in its garage when while connected. PC control your car wherever, this USB is way too cool.

•The Retro Vacuum USB will keep the desk nice and clean after a long day at work.

•Otherwise, keep your thirst down with the Fridge USB. Keep a nice fresh Coca Cola Light in the Fridge and be thirsty no more.

•Should you be worried that the boss will catch you browsing the web, not related to work at all, get the Panic USB. Hit the Panic button in any emergency cases and the screen goes blank!

•Made some enemies at work? Or maybe just shoot around with a friend or two. The Launch Missiles USB gives you three chances to hit a target! Just not when the boss is looking.

•Does work bring out the devil in you? Then bring the Devil with there and leave him on the desk, he magnetizes paperclips to his body and sits on a tray that accumulates more paperclips. Make use out of the devil.

•Number one gadget is Dead Fred. Everyone gets frustrated at work and needs to release steam. Stop taking it out on the nerdy filing girl, get a Dead Fred now. It’s a little red squashy man that lies on your desk. When you’re finished using a pen, just stab it in!

1) Err, there’s something wrong with my mouse, y’all…

Stick a post-it note under your work colleague’s mouse and watch them try to figure out what the hell is wrong with it.

That’s the stunt Jerry Ostergaard pulled on his colleague.

And check it: the guy he pulled the prank on was an IT TECHNICIAN.

Took him 10 minutes to figure out what was up.

I repeat: THE GUY WAS AN IT TECHNICIAN.

Hmm…

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2) Can I have a Jellied mouse to go, please?

Still on the subject of mice, THIS is cool. Someone’s mouse was set in jelly. Yum! Did they get to pick their favourite flavour? Was the mouse reusable afterwards? Did they have to eat their way through the jelly to be reunited with their mouse? (or did the cleaner run a feather duster over it the night before, making it inedible?)

This isn’t just any jelly.

No.

This is feather-dusted, Mr Sheen Shine jelly – flavoured with a hint of dustbin liner.

Yum.

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3) Is your boss a bit of an a**hole?

This is not my idea – just passing it on from my imaginary friend’s imaginary friend who happened to be there when this happened.

Someone set up the boss’s chair in such a way that when they sat on it during the staff meeting (of which I hope there were a million members of staff), it suddenly dropped.

…must have been well and truly self-gratifying for all parties concerned (apart from one, of course).

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4) Fancy a Water diet?

If you have way too much time on your hands and your brain cells just won’t go away, try this one:

20 Styrofoam cups? Check.
Stapler? Check.
Office empty? Check.

Apart from an accomplice or two? Check.

Good. Now, staple all 20 cups together – put them on a colleague’s desk.

Done? Good! Now, fill them all with water.

When your colleague turns up, watch them figure out how to shift them.

Oh, joy!

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5) Feeling peckish? Have some popcorn…

If you can count how much popcorn is there ….to the nearest billion, the boss will give you that promotion you’ve been aching for.

Ain’t nothing to it. You’re an accountant, aren’t you?

Should be a walk in the park. Albeit a crunchy one.

Oh gee, the phone on your desk’s ringing.

It could be a really important call, you know.

I suggest you get it.

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6) The pranksters got played…

Brian Eckert was away that afternoon when his colleagues decided to play a prank on him by turning everything in his office upside down.

Not knowing that Brian would arrive at work the next morning earlier than usual, he proceeded to arrange everything back to normal.

Brian left the office and came back at the time his colleagues would expect him to arrive. Walking in, he unlocked his office and went in. His colleagues obviously expected some kind of reaction, which they didn’t get! They got the shock of their lives when they looked in his office and found everything in perfect order.

They never told Brian what they did.

And Brian never told them he knew!

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7) Help! Microsoft Word isn’t, erm, ‘Wording’…

Everyone uses MS Word, right? Then why not show a colleague just how much you really care by secretly setting their AutoCorrect function to swap a couple of words round whenever they type a certain word in? Use the odd rude word if you’re feeling pixyish enough!

They should thank you, really. I mean, you’re doing them a favour. Expanding their vocabulary!

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8 ) Silver Heaven…

In 2006, Ryan O’Donnell decided to pull one on a fellow colleague while they were away for Xmas by wrapping their whole cubicle from top to bottom in 500ft of foil.

Now that’s what I call dedication.

He set up a webcam to record their reaction when they got back. (great court evidence for GBH when his colleague gets back, then)

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9) A Nice Prank on the Boss….This Time…

Emily Brand, along with all her co-workers, planned to call into work giving one reason or the other for not turning up at the office that day. The office would therefore effectively be empty apart from the boss and a new person who was starting that day.

However, the co-workers were only absent for as long as it took to grab a quick breakfast for the boss. Then they all turned up saying ‘Happy April Fool’s Day’.

Where’s the fun in that? It was going so well …to a point. I would have given it a good couple of hours, at least! Now, THAT would have been a prank.

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10) Voice-Activated Photocopier…

A couple of colleagues were told that the office photocopier was voice activated. They had to tell it what they wanted it to do – for example, “Six Copies, Collated and Stapled.”

One colleague’s voice got ever louder as the copier just didn’t seem to be responding to what it was being told to do.

He eventually cottoned on to what was going on, but not before making a complete and utter twat of himself.

Dig hole. Jump in.

There’s a good boy.

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